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1.
please help me understand the things that i can't see, this entire world is so frustrating. i can't make sense of anything in time for it to be relevant. i can't control myself i can't control my dreams, i get so confused by the simplest things. nothing's making sense and i just want to be invisible. i can't control myself. please help me understand.
2.
underneath the church street bridge on a cold september morning. i was wondering if the cops would come down, if we were being too loud. i shook at the knees, watched the street from underneath. you pissed in the water, i came down and joined you. we made our way on, even with you i felt alone. we walked, but we never got home. we just returned to our own bedrooms.
3.
cigarestless 02:30
restless and cigarette-less, i don't think it'll ever be different. this wasn't made for you, you weren't made for this. i don't think it'll ever be different. i've got no sense of ownership, a leash without a thing at the end of it. a leash with myself at the end of it. sometimes i take myself out for walks, sometimes i stop to smell the air, and then continue without direction. restless and cigarette-less, i don't think it'll ever be different.
4.
better bridges leave me in waist-high water. life is bringing blow-driers into a morning shower. it's burning a cigarette at both ends, it's your lips locked in another's, equally singed. it's 2 pm and i've been restless since i started feeling everything. it's making plans years in advance because it's already next week. it's passing by every photograph i could've taken. it's another melancholy empty pack that i keep shaking it's ten dollars, in all quarters. it's singles i find on the street. it's a twenty-dollar paycheck because i get scheduled every three weeks. it's the same shit i smoked yesterday, it's the same streets i drive down every day it's the dry saliva on my tongue that won't go away. it's the muscles in my jaw that always feel tight. it's the simplest parts of living that make me feel the least alright. it's all the things i don't know i can ever do it's how it feels like everyone's watching you it's. it's all starting to feel the same, i'm developing routines. i keep driving, but i never get where i want.
5.
i've been getting high and living through the internet, falling out of giant chairs in my basement. throwing up in alleys behind my friends' house and just like drying laundry, you are leaving me out(side). i've been driving circles around evanston, myself, and my room. no idea where i'm going, no plans any time soon. going back to school after the weekend, i've got no feelings left to use here.
6.
the way 01:35
do you hate the way it tastes? the way it trickles down your throat and makes your body shake. the way my hands tremble in the morning, i wake and bathe in the darkness of the effort it takes. used to the feeling, still can't handle the weight. i need rest but can't commit to the work it takes.

about

recorded in dorm rooms at bard college, my basement in evanston, the metra somewhere between downtown and central street.

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released November 11, 2015

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leor miller's fear of her own desire New Haven, Connecticut

i was lost and then i found myself and now i'm lost again.

new album "eternal bliss now!" out now on Candlepin Records.

currently in new haven, ct

she/her
millerleor@gmail.com for inquiries
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