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riding out the big anxiety

by leor miller's fear of her own desire

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1.
hit my head 01:39
walking on all fours, sticking sticks of gum under tables, i will choose yours. i will chew yours. i will take my tongue, taped to the roof of my mouth taped to the speckle painted wall on which i daily hit my head. taped to the speckle painted wall on which i hit my head.
2.
circulate 01:18
stressed out, and time is stretching out. front door is locked, but i can walk around. ten dollar charge. sitting alone, a little stoned in my backyard. staring at the stars through a phone in the middle of nowhere. biting at the edges of my socks, my circulation has been cut off. walking, trying to find myself in the dark. trying to retrace my train of thought.
3.
bed brained 02:13
compartmentalize that shit. i got no brain. no cabinets in which i can put it away. trial and error and error and error and error and error and error and error and error and error i fell asleep in it, i made my insides ache. sat for 15 minutes, it felt like 30 days. licking the knife with the most precise technique. it takes time to learn, but this i picked up quick.
4.
whaddaya? 01:09
whaddaya shooting that shit about? looking into lenses like a lost onlooker long fingers lurching at every opportunity pouncing at pictures of the not so picturesque well? whaddaya write for read later? write of wrong leader? climb a tall ladder? some summits are higher than others but climb much quicker.
5.
throat coat 01:33
i can feel the bubbles in my throat, like my insides about to explode. drinking water out of my hand in the bathroom sink. i can feel the pressure of the shower, in it i spend half an hour.
6.
spacey 01:43
chewing the insides of my cheeks, anxieties come in valleys and peaks. i was so lost then. and i'm still lost. now.
7.
solace song 02:01
i just wanna be useful, i just wanna be good. i don't wanna suffer, no amount of weather to put me under. i wanna be youthful, i just wanna have fun. i don't wanna get over it, i don't wanna feel done. i get so... sometimes i feel so lazy, can't get out of bed, and i never know how to explain it. i'm trying to address it, this is how i get good. this is how i get better, and i think that i still could... but i get so caught up sometimes but you float right in to my mind and i remember...

about

"RIDING OUT THE BIG ANXIETY" was recorded in tewksbury at bard.

credits

released March 7, 2016

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all rights reserved

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about

leor miller's fear of her own desire New Haven, Connecticut

i was lost and then i found myself and now i'm lost again.

new album "eternal bliss now!" out now on Candlepin Records.

currently in new haven, ct

she/her
millerleor@gmail.com for inquiries
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