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kegan kriete.
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poison ivy league
03:25
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welcome to my room: the cat piss capital of the world.
new year and new problems i'm never leaving my house new year and same bullshit every word every topic everyone talks about take pictures i'm exhausted i wish i could take back the years that i've spent sitting in my cold room blank pages show all i have accomplished
drive in circles to procrastinate the returning flight put a hole in my head to let in the light
new year and same problems never knowing what i want to do with myself new year and new bullshit never wanting to leave the bed in my house death wishes no motives stagnant brained and mind infested new year and new prescriptions from myself and with professional attention
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thanks for only calling when you're fucked up i think it's kind of fucked up how you're always fucked up and thanks for never inviting me to get fucked up i always wish i was fucked up instead of hung up on your drunk calls thanks for always interrupting while i'm talking telling drunken stories about getting fucked up and thanks for always ridiculing how i feel no matter how fucked up it may be
it's all alright with me passive aggressively but i'm getting sick of slurred speech it's all alright with me passive aggressively this is kind of hypocrisy
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4. |
skeletons have more fun
01:34
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well it's just gonna get worse i've wasted all my time on a better birth no motivation to work keep saying it'll pay off some day but the words lose their worth
just make me one with the earth just make me one with myself just make me something to make my insides hurt
please let me find what i'm worth all my days get long and my dose gets higher but the feeling gets worse my insides burn swallow gas and carbon monoxide until i don't hurt
just make me one with the earth just find the place where i'll work and keep on leaving me by myself in the dirt just make me one with the earth just make me one with myself just make me something to make my insides hurt
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5. |
tunnel vision
01:29
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there are so many bands i have never heard and i haven't even written a billion words i haven't even drawn my favorite picture i've never fried cheese in a fire in my backyard i've never driven out of the state alone and i've spent so much time in my room at home and my sheets are fun to look at when i'm sad and i always get happy when i hang out with my cat my friends are usually pretty cool even when i can't drive them home from school and my mom and dad and brother are fun mostly and my dogs are okay when they don't smell like pee i like learning new things so i should probably stay alive and listening to the world is a beautiful place & i am no longer afraid to die i like the emo scene too much to quit and i love laura jane grace cause she's the shit there are so many things in which i've never indulged but i wrote this song in purple pencil there are so many things i haven't said but this song not my life has to end
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6. |
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this summer i spent almost every night downtown let the mind ache settle and the heartache pound and i heard my name spoken whenever i was late picking someone up i spent every morning disappointed that i couldn't recall the night before it in the suburbs somewhere hidden stoned and unaware of my surroundings it felt a lot like the words in my mind simple and empty i'm a disposed of camera my prints are lost and my film's fucked up and my body is in the fucking trashcan
this summer i was frantically extraverted and i want a hole in my head like those late nights burned in the heat of a misted car windshield and wishing all those interactions were real
so let's go to cartwright park or maybe lovelace or the beach or a backyard or an alleyway and listen to 2 chainz and trinidad james like
gold all on my chain i'm chained to my thoughts some people wear fox fur i wear my skin like torn canvas art gold all on my watch i spend my days watching the clock and i let my wheels spin like there's no gas like all the ideas i lost
this summer
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pull up the blinds in your bedroom like every "i'll call you when i'm home" on a shitty april night and every text that i don't review saved as a draft makes me wonder if this is the last i'll see of you
thanks for coming to my shows with me and enduring the half hours when i'd sing i'm sorry if it was boring it was probably boring thanks for listening to my sad mix cds with little notes written on the back of the flimsy paper casing i'm sorry if they were cliche thanks for hanging out with me for all the time that we spent together i honestly don't know what i would have done and now i don't know what i'll do so i'll spend my time dissecting modern baseball lines alone like when you'd always call me
so just call me when you cop or call me when you're sober i'll be doing fine or i'll be feeling better it's not getting warm so i'll try to get warmer i'll be doing fine i'll be doing fine and say the world's just a mistake that doesn't make things better i'll be sitting here waiting till whenever it's not getting warm but i'll try to get warmer and tell myself i'm fine i'll be doing fine
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8. |
architecture
02:46
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i used to build you my heart out of mix cds and weird poetry and songs and kissing and reading some of your favorite books spending weekends together i want to hold you and never let go i want to quote every cliche public figure and burn my throat with plagiarism from every trash mountain port-o-potty or maybe a bath tub i'd be lucky enough to talk to you in a chat box i had a dream you left right in front of my face and i woke up with oceans in my eyes and the tides crashing on my cheeks i used to build you my heart out of all our favorite things bad tv and driving around aimlessly i built myself for you in parking lots and backseats and bedrooms i built you an apartment and i want to build me until i'm a skyscraper and we can talk about how conflictingly ugly and pretty our architecture could be
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i'd like to think of my skin as a blank canvas i'm going to let life paint all over me like i'm some sort of imperfect masterpiece that may or may not sell for millions i'd like to be remembered as something completely genuine and i refuse to buy my feelings or buy anyone else's because i'm too afraid to return something to its rightful owner i've never been one to be malcontent but i'm dissatisfied with the way that things have been playing out lately through politics and romances even though i'm young and there's so much longer left in life i hope
i hope everyone's fucking up all over and there's no real way to fully change it because if i'm the only one left i don't want to be left with all these weights on my chest
i never said that i wanted to be better i only wanted to be more sincere i told myself i'd have to face the music if the whole damn world could hear it everybody wants to be happy we're so unhappy with the way things change i can't wait for things to change
i hope everyone's fucking up all over and there's no real way to fully change it because if i'm the only one left i don't want to be left with all these thoughts in my head.
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10. |
bad in the water
05:21
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well i wrote some songs and i never even mentioned it and i cleaned my wounds on a greasy brown napkin and i don't think it matters and i don't think i care and i don't think it matters or at least i don't feel as confident
well i played some chords i didn't care if i tuned my strings and i tried to perfect all the words i tried to sing and i don't know if it worked i guess we'll just wait and see and i don't know if it worked so i guess you'll just have to tell me
i've played to empty rooms and i've tried not to care and i know that i'm young but i still want to get to where you are i can't move i can't start medication doesn't give me more heart it makes me worse
i tried to say everything i needed to speak but the ears that were once there all found other places to be and i don't think it matters and i don't think i care and i don't know if it worked so i guess you'll just have to tell me
i don't like myself much and if that's hard to see it's because i think i like me better in your company
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leor miller's fear of her own desire New Haven, Connecticut
i was lost and then i found myself and now i'm lost again.
new album "eternal bliss now!" out now
on Candlepin Records.
currently in new haven, ct
she/her
millerleor@gmail.com for inquiries
... more
leor miller's fear of her own desire recommends:
Breakfast of Champions
by Noah Roth
great songs from a day 1
go to album
slowcore 4 satan
go to album
Y Pants-Beat It Down LP
by Water Wing Records
very important
go to albumIf you like leor miller's fear of her own desire, you may also like:
Entirely analog, lush melodic pop with a tender heart from L.A. artist Human Barbie sounds bigger than the bedroom project it is.
go to album
Another Side of The Seams
by The Seams
The Seams' jangly pop is full of lovely melodic twists and elegant turns-of-phrases delineating the quotidian details of love and romance.
go to album
Slightly somber indie pop from Singapore for fans of Sarah Records.
go to album
