gender dysphoria memes

by leor miller

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photo by kai joy

recorded at bard and in evanston


released July 14, 2016



all rights reserved


leor miller Annandale On Hudson, New York

part time person, full time pop girl from evanston, illinois going to bard college


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Track Name: coincidentally,
you and i wrote the exact same thing
created conversations out of tiny brainstrings.
but i unravel at a higher rate,
the brakes break at a higher pace.
i unravel at a higher rate,
the brakes break.
Track Name: a body
standing on top of your car
i feel naked with my clothes on
i feel more high with my shoes off.
i still cannot see the stars.
it don't mean shit that i'm made of them

i find tiny things and make them giant
everything explodes as i close my eyelids
i am not what you call me
i am not my body.

searching for cracks in the floor,
slip through the hole in your door
i scrawl my name in the ground
i pull my hair in and out.
i watch my skin recompose,
when i look closely it grows,
shapes the way i wasn't born
it curls up at the corners
wasn't born, but was made
an unpredictable trade
off the top my head it seems
but you refuse what it means.

i find tiny things and i make them giant
everything explodes as i close my eyelids.
i am not what you call me
i am not my body.

and it grows.
Track Name: agency
you are not one
of my oldest friends
i don't walk your way
or run in and out of your attention.

i don't want to,
i don't have to
break my back,
running around,
i don't owe you anything.

i don't want to,
i don't have to.
Track Name: a lizard
you were a god, and i was a lizard named after that god because even when i felt remotely like you, i could only be a tiny one.
Track Name: love song of contempt
and i will be
your accessory
for the world
to see
and you can show me
what it means to be
a good one
of my
Track Name: discover myself
i don't discover myself
i dig futile holes in the ground.
fire lit right under my,
sit down and put the car in,
and i don't discover my
futile holes,
i dig,
i dig,
i dig
i dig,

an unclear emphasis on
i don't discover myself
a sickness i cannot cure
dig futile holes in my hands.
i find i'm learning a lot
but have trouble proving it
faint fire right under my
deep, feeble.
holes in my head
Track Name: parking lot
with trouble following directions,
i get lost and
lay down in the middle of the block
but the car don't stop
keep on running
through the fence of the parking lot
Track Name: place-based depression
thanks a lot
i'm giving it all i've got
not a lot
because i don't fucking get it.
thanks a lot
for your words,
they mean an awful lot,
i am an awful lot
like you.
empty headed,
empty headed
i don't want to leave the house
i hate it
it's a place-based depression
that doesn't get cured

on a first name basis with my prescriptions